I've been on this train of thought for awhile now; I'll try not to make it too long..
Lately, I have discovered I have been extremely selfish. All these years, months, weeks, etc. I've been thinking these bad things have been happening to me and that I am self destructive just because that's the way the cookie crumbles. I have recently realized though, that I am completely wrong.
Growing up, I have been taking these bad things that have happened or the "bad" choices I have made much more personally than I should have. Now, that I've had some time to see how situations play out, I have come to realize that these things really did all have happy endings - just not for myself yet. After having some time for situations to play out, I have realized that the gut choices I have made, have actually made other people happy! (Even my subconscious is trying to please everyone!)
Prime example: a few years ago I broke up with my first boyfriend ever that I actually possibly saw a future with. We were both young and it was a long distance relationship (anyone outside of ourselves would have seen it was never going to work), but we tried to make it work for awhile because we were crazy about each other. Eventually, we broke up :( and moved on with our lives. During our relationship, I was looking at going to school closer to him and moving down there. Humorously enough, about two days after we broke up, I got accepted into that school.
I went and visited the school, figured out my degree, and became super excited to go, even though I didn't have a boyfriend there anymore. Over the course of the summer though, things in my life took a very sharp turn for the worse and I informed the college that, regretfully, I would not be able to attend. After a few months apart, my ex and I began talking again, but I never told him any of this. Around the beginning of the school year, he told me he had actually been single this whole time and had been waiting for me to move there. Instead of telling him of the things that had happened, I just told him I wasn't going to school there and he should just move on with his life. (I still, have NO idea why I did that.)
A few months down the road, he told me that he had started finally seeing someone new and that he didn't want me to be shocked if I found out on my own. Naturally, I hated the girl, but told him I was happy for him. After that, we never spoke again. After a series of the craziest coincidences (and being half way across the world) I found out that he was in fact getting married to that same girl. Point of my extremely long example; even though I was heartbroken about my hasty, stupid decision, the other person involved ended up meeting the love of his life and is now happily married.
Big picture here: I need to stop feeling so sorry for myself. Continue to trust my gut, don't forget about the big picture, and stop being so conceited! I am not the only one who loses / benefits from situations.
Just another life lesson learned in the journey to adulthood in Chelsea Land.