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Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Meh

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love. - Neil Gaiman

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Pep Talk

Some days, girl needs a serious pep talk. Who better to do that than myself?!
I've always been a very "convincing" person and have needed no help pumping myself up, but lately I've been really struggling in that area for some reason. Stepping foot in Europe with no idea of where I was going, not the slightest clue as to where my friends were, and not speaking a single word of the local language reminded me that I'm awesome. I resorted to (what I honestly think is my most redeeming quality) of building myself up. Though as an adult, with a lot more failures under my belt, I've noticed this skill gets harder and harder to maintain. So I came up with the most awesomely awesome pep talks girl can come up with!

For the plethora of times I'm having a shit day, I just tell myself...
Girl, you're only 25. You have a head of gorgeously thick hair and no a single wrinkle yet. Not to mention, those lips. 
My friends are all having babies and getting married! Blah blah blah, good for them. I have a bioluminescent brontosaurus. He's regenerative and faithful, also, he never talks back; but I like to imagine him with a sassy personality.
People your age are graduating college and getting big kid jobs. Awesome for them! I'm so envious of their huge piles of debt. Too bad for me, I've taken adequate time off school to both study and work to pay for school so I won't have that mound of debt! I also have years worth of travel under my belt that they can only dream of until they've paid off their debt.. 20 years from now. I don't mean to brag, but how many of my friends will be able to call themselves doctors, speak several languages, and say they have 6+ degrees when they're done with school? Eh?
Wow. These guys are always doing something fun, I am so lame. Hey, remember that one day you had off work and got bored so you went skydiving and called your mom from the plane? That was funnier than the day you made a video of yourself bungee jumping and didn't tell her until hours after the fact. You're both hilarious and awesome.

And for the mother off all bad days:
Hey, it's just one bad day. Could be worse. You could be being eaten by that barracuda you saw while scuba diving in Mexico. This is different, I just can't make it through this day. Hey, girl! You've traveled to 25 different states, most without injury or natural disasters too! You've traveled to three different continents and came home without any deathly plagues! You've been to eight countries by YOURSELF, most of which you didn't speak the language and made it through just fine! And had a damn good time. Yeah, I suppose I'm doing okay. Damn straight you're doing okay. Thomas Rhett has a song that mentions never seeing the Eiffel Tower at night or the Northern Lights, guess what? You've done both of those! So you know what, fuck this bad day. You've had so many good days, what's one bad day? Get over it. There will be more good ones, starting now.

Reality

I'm just an ordinary person with amazing expectations for my life.

Monday, January 11, 2016

36: Spend New Years Eve in...

New Years Eve 2016 went a little differently than my usual NYE shenanigans: there was no heavy drinking, partying until sunrise, crawling into a tiny diner at 6 am for breakfast, but I'm not complaining. This year, I got the amazing opportunity to roll into 2016 on Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom roller coaster with two of my best friends.. At Disney Paris! We all spent the day exploring Paris and then spent the night riding roller coasters and watching fireworks through a silhouette of the Hollywood Tower of Terror. It was perfect ☺️



Monday, July 21, 2014

Quote of the Day!

"Not all who wander are lost" - Tolkien

I saw this quote, actually, on a license plate today. I forget about this quote in my daily chaos, but every time I see it, it always gets me.

My whole life I've been told I "have a gypsy spirit" or that I have such "wanderlust" and you know what, I'm okay with that. I am always on some kind of an adventure: whether it be a spiritual or physical one, I'm always wandering somewhere! (Honestly, I could relate a lot to  Alice in Wonderland.) Even with all my daydreaming and soul searching and adventuring, I rarely feel lost. Most of the time, I really feel like this is what I should be doing. Even in my career (currently education) choices, I chose something that will continuously keep me "wandering" & adventuring.

Point of my mostly incoherent story: I adore this quote & feel it's a quote more early twenty-somethings should be familiar with.

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Egomaniac Alert!

I've been on this train of thought for awhile now; I'll try not to make it too long..

Lately, I have discovered I have been extremely selfish. All these years, months, weeks, etc. I've been thinking these bad things have been happening to me and that I am self destructive just because that's the way the cookie crumbles. I have recently realized though, that I am completely wrong.

Growing up, I have been taking these bad things that have happened or the "bad" choices I have made much more personally than I should have. Now, that I've had some time to see how situations play out, I have come to realize that these things really did all have happy endings - just not for myself yet. After having some time for situations to play out, I have realized that the gut choices I have made, have actually made other people happy! (Even my subconscious is trying to please everyone!)


Prime example: a few years ago I broke up with my first boyfriend ever that I actually possibly saw a future with. We were both young and it was a long distance relationship (anyone outside of ourselves would have seen it was never going to work), but we tried to make it work for awhile because we were crazy about each other. Eventually, we broke up :( and moved on with our lives. During our relationship, I was looking at going to school closer to him and moving down there. Humorously enough, about two days after we broke up, I got accepted into that school.

I went and visited the school, figured out my degree, and became super excited to go, even though I didn't have a boyfriend there anymore. Over the course of the summer though, things in my life took a very sharp turn for the worse and I informed the college that, regretfully, I would not be able to attend. After a few months apart, my ex and I began talking again, but I never told him any of this. Around the beginning of the school year, he told me he had actually been single this whole time and had been waiting for me to move there. Instead of telling him of the things that had happened, I just told him I wasn't going to school there and he should just move on with his life. (I still, have NO idea why I did that.)

A few months down the road, he told me that he had started finally seeing someone new and that he didn't want me to be shocked if I found out on my own. Naturally, I hated the girl, but told him I was happy for him. After that, we never spoke again. After a series of the craziest coincidences (and being half way across the world) I found out that he was in fact getting married to that same girl. Point of my extremely long example; even though I was heartbroken about my hasty, stupid decision, the other person involved ended up meeting the love of his life and is now happily married.


Big picture here: I need to stop feeling so sorry for myself. Continue to trust my gut, don't forget about the big picture, and stop being so conceited! I am not the only one who loses / benefits from situations.

Just another life lesson learned in the journey to adulthood in Chelsea Land.